These are actual newspaper headlines.
Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter.
Run that by me again!
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Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says.
No crap, really? Ya think?
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Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers.
Now that's taking things a bit far!
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Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over.
What a guy!
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Miners Refuse to Work after Death.
No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!
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Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant.
See if that works any better than a fair trial!
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War Dims Hope for Peace.
I can see where it might have that effect!
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If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile.
Do Ya think?!
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Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures.
Who would have thought!
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Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide.
They may be on to something!
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Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges.
You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?
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Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge.
He probably IS the battery charge!
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New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group.
Weren't they fat enough?!
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Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft.
That's what he gets for eating those beans!
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Kids Make Nutritious Snacks.
Do they taste like chicken?
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Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half.
Chainsaw Massacre all over again!
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Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors.
Boy, are they tall!
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And the winner is....
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead.
Did I read that right?
Proofreaders Needed . . . .
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